I am Imperfection Perfected

Originally written on November 6, 2010

I am imperfection perfected - that is how you can categorize me. I posted this as my FB status a while back but have come back to it in the last few days and done a lot of thinking about not only myself but others and how they perceive themselves, how they want to be perceived and how they want you to perceive others.

Basically, I am me and I don't fit into or want to fit into a certain category. I am just a person who lives life day by day and always try to manage to put a smile on my face even when my heart is breaking. Even during the days I'm a complete mess, I try to just get by and not burden others with my problems or issues. I am so blessed in that I have people who care and still love me even through those times when I am that complete and utter mess.

I'm not a perfect person, far from it. I am not beautiful, not particularly smart and not very graceful. My hair doesn't always stay in place, my makeup sometimes gets smeared and I am not a skinny-mini model of what we see as beautiful. I spill a lot of things. I'm clumsy; I spill a lot of things and bump into a whole bunch of other things. I have had my heart broken more times than I can count or care to remember, I sometimes fight and have disagreements with my family, loved ones and friends. I don't want to be like the models of perfection society wants to push down our throats, all thinness with the big boobs and no hips and perfectly flat tummy, perfect hair and makeup and short skirts, and all that, well, perfectly perfect perfectness. I don't want all the men drooling over me or the women being jealous of me. I don’t want my colleagues being jealous of what I have accomplished in my career and feel that it came easy to me because I am a Hispanic woman. I don't want any of that. I just want to be me. I'm true to myself and that's all that matters. If people like me for who I am, well then that's great... I know I've succeeded. Throughout my life I have had more days when nothing goes right then those when everything was perfect, but when I think about it and I take a step back... I remember how amazing my life truly is and that maybe, just maybe - I like being imperfect.

I really try very hard to see the best in everyone, and I have been criticized for it repeatedly, but I find that even though I try real hard to like everyone, for me unhappy people are some of the hardest people to like. I know that it is because they don't really like themselves much, however it really bothers me when they try to project their unhappiness on others and speak ill about other people. There's a little bit of bad in the best of us, and a little bit of good in the worst of us. So none of us, bad or good, have any right to say anything about any of us and none of us definitely have the right to try to sway anyone’s opinion about another person. When you judge someone else or speak ill of them, it doesn't define who they are, it defines who you are. Maybe the reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be. Maybe we need to have a little more faith and do as the saying goes - we really need to “let go and let God……”

Maybe I’m waxing philosophical because of recent events. So many things have changed and are still changing in my life so quickly that I am having difficulty coming to grips with much of it. Maybe it is because as another birthday approaches I am trying to put my life and its meaning into perspective. I do know and I am grateful for the fact that I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. Some have been there since my childhood and that also makes me wonder how and when did this transition begin. When exactly did we go from being kids to just being people, I'm not sure. I do know that it's not about turning a certain age or graduating from school. We focus so much on the landmarks that define our life: the special birthdays (18, 21, 30, 40, 50, 55); the special occasions such as engagements, weddings, the birth of our children, divorces, buying the big house or the expensive car, taking the ultimate vacation, graduating from the special school and getting those ultimate degrees, or moving so high up the career ladder that at times we knock down everyone else around us.

This transition from childhood to adulthood happened so rapidly and in such stealth like fashion that it has taken me by surprise and I surmise that it is the same for most people. It happens when we're not paying attention. We go from playing with our friends to playing with our friend's feelings. Without our knowledge or implicit consent, our childhood slips away in the night and our innocence escapes us and we wake up one morning to find we have become who we are – for better or worse. Make sure to remember all of the good times and all of the special people that were with you during this transition we call life. Let go of the past, but don't forget it because there are a great many things that can be learned from what you have been through. But most importantly: follow your heart, stand up for what you believe in, let into your life people who are willing to love you as the imperfect person you are and take your own path always doing what you want to do but make sure you do not hurt intentionally hurt anyone in the process.

In the long run each one of us should strive to see ourselves as being represented by a star in heaven. Sometimes we shine with the rest, sometimes we twinkle alone and sometimes, when we least expect it, we make someone else's dreams come true. I may only be one person, but I can be one person who makes a difference. People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past and getting on with their lives. In life, we should always think of mean people like sandpaper. They may scratch you and hurt you, but in the end, you come out smooth and polished and the mean person is just worn and ugly.

As the saying goes “The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes their way.” True happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and continue to search, and those who have tried and continue to try and most importantly for those who have loved and continue to love; for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives no matter how imperfect they are.